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Submitted on
July 5, 2008
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2 (who?)
The italic part in parentheses is the subtitle that appears when they say something as kind of a translation into what they're really thinking.

Oprah: Today we are pleased to welcome Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton to the show.

(Hillary walks in)
(They hug reluctantly, clearly not thrilled)

Hillary: I'm very happy to be here!
(They made me do it.)

Oprah: So, how does it feel to have lost the nomination to Senator Obama?
(Haha, you suck.)

Hillary: Well, I just think it would be a shame if he was elected, then assassinated before he could be inaugurated.
(Do you know where I could hire a hitman?)

Oprah: So what are you going to do with your time now?
(Time for the retirement home.)

Hillary: Actually I'm really looking forward to spending some time at home and being with Bill.
(Guess why, Bill, you son of a b****.)

Oprah: Are you planning on helping with Senator Obama's campaign now?
(He has a better chance without you.)

Hillary: I will, because even though we have been rivals, I really have nothing but respect for Senator Obama.
(No f-ing way.)

Oprah: Also, I think everyone's been wondering, what do you really think of Senator McCain?
(Feel free to screw up the answer and embarass yourself, old lady.)

Hillary: Although I don't agree with some of his ideals, I have tremendous respect for Senator McCain also.
(Are you kidding? He's a moron.)

Oprah: You know, I was really expecting you to be one of those politicians who waffles all the questions, but you're very open and honest.
(I started drinking when I found out you were going to be on the show, so I'm not even listening to you.)

Hillary: Well thank you!
(I can see the bottle behing your chair.)

Oprah: Not that I wasn't thrilled when I heard you'd be on the show, of course!
(They never would have done this to Letterman.)
Anyway, do you ever plan to give up the dream of becoming president?
(Please don't. I enjoy seeing you embarass yourself, knowing it will never happen.)

Hillary: Well as much fun as this has been, I'll know when it's time to step down.
(No way.)

Oprah: Now, I'm sorry to say that as great as it's been having you on the show, we're out of time.
(Go away!!!).

Hillary: Well, it was great to be here.
(If she's there when I get home, Bill, I'm going to tell everyone about your fake man-parts.)

Oprah: It was great to see you, Senator Clinton.

Hillary: It was great to see you too.

Oprah: (to audience) If you look under your seats, you'll find a 'Hillary for 2008' T-shirt and a Sharpie brand permanent marker so that you can write in '12' or '16'.
(Or 'never'.)
Tune in next week when singer Beyonce will appear on the show!
(Or Obama? PLEASE!?!)

(crowd cheers)
(fade out)
I've kind of always wanted to write something in this style. It fits my sarcasm nicely. I really need to get out of the political humor box marked 'Hillary Clinton', even though it is the biggest. Something Al Gore-ish would be good.
Anyway, read and enjoy!
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jackedUPonDRpepper Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2008  Student Writer
OMG there is seriously something wrong with the people on Deviant Art! This is HILARIOUS! I love it! More people need to READ and COMMENT. Way to go gals, I support your work 100%. Excellent as always.
sketchcomedyrocks Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2008   Writer
:D thank you very much!
If I was Karen Allen, I would walk around grinning for the next hour, except I can't pull it off =P
jackedUPonDRpepper Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2008  Student Writer
Sadly, we can't all be...*cries*
sketchcomedyrocks Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2008   Writer
*sniff* I know! *cries too*
jackedUPonDRpepper Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2008  Student Writer
*sniff* Haha.

Oh by the way, the "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize" is by Steven Wright. If you don't know him, you really need to check him out. He is utterly hilarious. Just thought you should know. ;)
sketchcomedyrocks Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2008   Writer
Okay, well I was looking for something funny and i just came across that one. I thought it was hilarious. :) Oh, and who is Steven Wright? Is he a comedian? Actor? Writer? Random person?
jackedUPonDRpepper Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2008  Student Writer
Oh I understand; he's not very well known, even though he's hilarious. Steven Wright is a comedian who delivers very deadpan and contradictory stuff. You can check him out on Youtube, I think, and I highly reccomend seeing his show/movie "When the Wind Blows". There should be some good websites with quotes by him somewhere if you Google him.
sketchcomedyrocks Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2008   Writer
I know, because that's where I went to find a quote. If that makes sense! :)
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